where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
