the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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