oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
