he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
