you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
