Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
