she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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