Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
