At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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