Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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