Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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