That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
