sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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