i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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