I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
