I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
