Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
