What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
