so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
