Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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