What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
