Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
