it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
