this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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