yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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