It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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