I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
