I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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