At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The adults are the big ones right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
