you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
