So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
