i jhust puked up my retainher.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
