He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I puked a lego.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
