Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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