hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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