he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
