Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
