I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
