Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
