Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
