you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
