somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
