So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
