i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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