I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
