Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
