Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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