I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
