When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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