SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just invented taco cereal.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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