What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
