yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
